The beginning of the end.
At the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t care. I didn’t care what you did, who you were with, what I did, who I was with. Everything was just whatever. Then slowly our relationship got more serious and with it I grew more attached. I needed to know where you were, what you were doing, who you were with. I even controlled parts of that. I’d tell you not to do things I didn’t like or I’d want you to be with me instead of them. And now.. now that you’re going to college soon, I’m going to be forced to go back to how it was before. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing necessarily because a relationship shouldn’t be one person controlling another in the first place. I guess all I’m saying is it’s going to be hard.
So yesterday you went out with your friends doing who knows what. That’s the first time in awhile that you did something without telling me or even talking to me the whole time. It’s whatever. I’m cool with it, right. Pretty much do nothing the whole day. Or yeah I do stuff but it’s whatever. And then when I talk to you you tell me all about the ghetto, the smoke shop, the deals, everything. Everything I don’t like. But that you love. I have such a hard time with it but I want to let you live. It’s hard to think about the fact that in college you’re going to be doing whatever you want with whoever you want whenever you want and I’m going to be here worrying about it. Sometimes I just wish I weren’t in a relationship. I wouldn’t have to worry about all of this all the time. But it’s like I want to try it out or something. Let you do what you want for I don’t know how long and if you like it and I can never adapt to it.. then I guess we’re over.
I don’t know what I’m asking of you either. I don’t want you to be with me all the time because I know that’s selfish.. but I think deep in my heart, I really do.
You know what I’m done. I don’t know really feel like talking about this anymore.
